Writing Group Exercise -1st person narrative writing – The battle

Our writing group was given an exercise to write up a scene in both the 1st person  and 3rd person point of view. Then to say our opinions on both.

Below is my battle scene where a Sergeant takes the reigns to save his comrades from being slaughtered. In this post the scene is written in 1st person narrative (At least I think it is) enjoy!

 

I had been listening to the screams for hours from where I stood. Myself and my garrison stood to attention but we kept exchanging angry glances. Why didn’t the Captain order us to go and help our brothers instead of waiting for them to die?

I began to shake uncontrollably “Sir!”

The captain looked back at me, he looked weary. The long hours were catching up with him too I was glad to see.

“What is it Sergeant?” Steadying myself for impact I held my head high “Sir I cannot sit here and listen to the noise below. Can we not reinforce our forces in combat?”

The Captain tilted his head at me. Was he smiling? What on earth was funny at a time like this?

“No Sergeant, we cannot aid our forces. While I am in command we are staying right here! I will not put my life in danger for the other teams who could not await orders.”

I started to move toward the Captain, my mind felt clouded yet I knew what I was going to do. I unsheathed my axe and flipped the hilt. “Sergeant return to your posit-” I cracked him in the side of the head and watched my commanding officer hit the deck.

I turned my attention to the garrison behind me.“Now then, as I am the second highest ranking soldier here, I am going to ask you all to join me in aiding our forces!” I was relieved to get a cheer from my garrison as I charged off to the battle below. I looked back briefly to see one of the men stamp on the Captain’s head. I watched in awe as it seemed to sink slowly into the mud.

I led the charge down the hill. Uneasy as I felt, I knew this was the right thing to do. With my garrison behind me I felt their strength flow through me.

I could see the other team up ahead. The battle was brutal. The clash of swords rang through my ears and the screams of the fallen muffled my calls to their superior. Charging the enemy up close I swung my axe straight into an Orcs side and followed it’s body as it twisted in shock to the floor. Ripping my weapon free, I plunged it down onto its skull. I had my first kill of the day. “Come on lads there only flesh and bone!” Another cheer met my call and I watched as the men tore through the Orc pack with the other team. The Orcs were panicking, they were now outnumbered. I watched as their commander called a retreat. We had won.

The mud at my feet was tinged with blood, limbs from the fallen lay scattered across the plain. I smiled thinking at least the crows will have a feast tomorrow, while ill most likely be court-martialled.

I particularly liked this way of writing because while you are describing at length what is happening. It is all from one character in this scene. I feel this way of writing would help readers grow closer to a character if the story is written well.

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