Our writing group was given an exercise to write up a scene in both the 1st person and 3rd person point of view. Then to say our opinions on both.
Below is my battle scene where a Sergeant takes the reigns to save his comrades from being slaughtered. In this post the scene is written in 3rd person narrative. Enjoy!
The sergeant had been listening to the screams of his comrades for a few hours now from where they stood. The rest of the garrison were becoming angry and exchanging glances at their comrades. The sergeant wondered why the Captain was allowing their comrades to fall to the Orc. He wondered why weren’t they down there too helping them?
The sergeant was shaking and called out “Sir!”
“What is it Sergeant?” Came the Captain’s reply.
Steadying himself the Sergeant persisted “ Sir, I cannot sit here and listen to the noise below. Can we not reinforce our forces in combat?”
The Captain tilted his head toward the Sergeant in disbelief. Seeing this the sergeant questioned to himself “ Why is he smiling? What on earth was funny at a time like this?”
The Captain finding his voice stated openly to the garrison “No Sergeant, we cannot aid our forces. While I am in command we are staying right here! I will nout put my life in danger for the other team who could not await orders.”
The Sergeant snapped and moved toward the Captain. His mind was clouded with anger, yet he knew what he going to do was right. The sergeant unsheathed his axe and flipped the hilt.
The Captain seeing the advancing Sergeants anger drew back “Sergeant return to your posit-” The Captain grunted as the Sergeants weapon connected with his head. The Sergeant coming back down to earth watched in a mix of horror and awe as his commanding officer hit the deck.
Without wasting time the Sergeant turned to his men. “Now then, as I am the second highest soldier here. I am going to ask you all to join me in aiding our forces!” The Sergeant was relived as the garrison cheered at him in response and together they charged towards the battle below. Looking back the Sergeant caught one of his fellows stepping on the Captains head sinking it into the mud.
He led the charge down the hill, The Sergeant felt uneasy but knew what he was doing was right. He let the garrison’s strength flow through him as they charged onwards.
Up ahead, the battle came into view and it was brutal. The clash of swords rang through the Sergeants ears and the screams of the fallen muffled his call out to the other teams officer. As the Sergeant entered the fray, he swung his axe into an Orcs side and followed it’s body as it twisted in shock onto the floor. Ripping his weapon free the Sergeant plunged it down into the Orc’s skull. Realising he had scored his first kill of the day he cried out “Come on lads there only flesh and bone!” The garrison cheered in response and pushed forward tearing through the Orc pack with the remainder of their brothers. The Orc’s began to panic, they were now outnumbered. Their commander realising this, hastened a quick retreat. They had lost.
The Sergeant took in the scenery, the mud at his feet was tinged with blood. Limbs of the fallen lay scattered across the plain. Smiling in spite of his location, he thought the crows would have a good meal tomorrow at least, He on the other hand was most likely going to be court-martialled.
Between 1st and 3rd I would say I prefer 3rd person simply because I feel I have more options when describing a scene and what characters are doing. I know everybody is different and there are more reason why one is better than the other at times but that was the reason that came to mind.